Officer warns of black-market campaign
An undercover officer has warned of a shadowy organisation poised to introduce a dangerous new product into the Adelaide black market.
The officer, who cannot be named for security reasons, stated that the purveyors in question had spent about six months introducing the product to the market, but had so far kept a relatively low profile. However, he warned that this was about to change.
“The operation has an unusual front, in that the ringleaders have been posing as a local funk-rock outfit named Pimpin’ Horus,” the officer explained. “This has allowed them to infiltrate areas where their target consumers assemble: pubs, clubs and whatnot.”
“However, as of August 14th, the members of Pimpin’ Horus have withdrawn from the public eye, purportedly to Capital Sound Studios in the Adelaide CBD. They are rumoured to have enlisted notorious producer Anj Malavazos to oversee operations.”
The officer suggested that this group would seek to combine five volatile elements to create something that those in the industry refer to as “an EP”.
When queried as to why this posed a danger to the public, the officer continued: “Our sources suggest that the EP may be leaked en masse upon an unsuspecting public. Most people currently engaging with “the scene” have become used to a certain type of product, with multiple manufacturers trying to simply tweak a formula that is currently popular. However, Pimpin’ Horus is aiming for something else entirely.”
“It’s not entirely new,” clarified our informant, “but this particular market hasn’t seen the likes of it for quite some time. I’m just not sure how the kids will react to it.”
When asked what his advice to potential consumers was, the officer suggested that the best defence was a good offence: “This underground campaign is going to rely on the recruitment of affected individuals to help spread the word. The best way to help your community would be to infiltrate their ranks by visiting www.pimpinhorus.com and expressing your interest in their product. The band is rumoured to employ a free distribution policy.”
“Once on the inside, responsible citizens should covertly report all developments to the authorities.”